#47: Making intimacy enjoyable again when you're battling fertility issues
Female Health & Fertility magazine quarterly column
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Female Health & Fertility is a quarterly digital magazine and online hub created to support women and non-binary people who are affected by gynecological and reproductive issues. Its magazine content focuses on all stages of the reproductive cycle, from young adults to post-menopausal folks and its features are written by gynecologists, clinicians, therapists, nutritionists, researchers, and also readers who are sharing their lived experiences.
I write a column called ‘Pleasure Principles with Almaz’, which appears in the digital magazine each issue. I also publish it in full here for ‘She Dares To Say’ readers.
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Making intimacy enjoyable again when you're battling fertility issues
For many people the journey toward conception can, unfortunately, often turn intimacy and sexual connection into something that’s become daunting, overshadowed by the weight of expectations. The narrative surrounding trying to conceive often revolves around ovulation cycles, fertility charts, and clinical procedures, reducing the act of intimacy to a tick-box exercise. And if you’ve been through previous fertility disappointments, things might feel quite emotionally loaded or tough.
However, it’s possible to navigate through this and reframe sex as something fun and intimate, rather than a loaded chore. Communication becomes a cornerstone in this process to approach intimacy with a focus on pleasure, rather than solely as a means to an end. Opening up about fears, anxieties, and expectations can help create a supportive environment that fosters emotional intimacy. Exploring alternative methods of physical connection, such as sensual massages, shared baths, or simply spending quality time together, helps in reinforcing the emotional bond that may have become strained by the pressures of trying to conceive.
Mindful breathing exercises and meditation can help partners reconnect with their bodies, creating a more positive and grounded environment that goes beyond the ‘clinical’ aspects of the pursuit of parenthood. Introducing novelty and creativity into the bedroom can also help break the monotony that can often accompany the journey to conceive. Date nights, romantic getaways, or trying new experiences together can rekindle passion, creating a more positive and enjoyable environment for partners.
Practical tips for keeping sex pleasurable while trying to conceive
Communicate openly: Talk to your partner about your desires, concerns, and any changes in your sex life. Open communication can help alleviate stress and maintain intimacy.
Focus on pleasure: While the primary goal may be conception, don’t lose sight of the pleasure aspect of sex. Enjoy each other’s bodies and the intimacy that comes with it.
Experiment with timing: While ovulation tracking is important, it can also make sex feel more like a chore. Try to incorporate spontaneous and intimate moments outside of the fertile window to keep things exciting.
Explore new activities: Trying new sexual positions, incorporating sensual massages, or experimenting with different forms of foreplay can keep things fresh and exciting.
Take care of yourselves: Prioritise self-care to reduce stress and improve overall well-being. Engage in activities that help you relax and feel good about yourselves, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies.
Stay connected emotionally: Maintain emotional intimacy by spending quality time together, expressing appreciation for each other, and engaging in activities that strengthen your bond outside of the bedroom.
Seek support if needed: If trying to conceive becomes overwhelming or stressful, consider seeking support from a therapist, counselor, or support group. They can provide guidance, perspective, and coping strategies to help you navigate this journey.
Remember that conception can take time, and it’s essential to prioritise your relationship and overall well-being throughout the process. By focusing on pleasure, communication, and emotional connection, you can maintain a fulfilling and enjoyable sex life while trying to conceive.
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And if you’d like to book me for an in-person event like a hen party or baby shower, or as a fun interlude at a sex ed/sensuality event, do get in touch via email. All workshop participants will receive a printable PDF companion workbook with tips and exercises to try out at home. Read this previous ‘She Dares To Say’ mailout where I describe the raucous fun we had at a hen party where I ran the Improving Intimacy workshop for a group of women:
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I’m Almaz Ohene, a Creative Copywriter, Freelance Journalist and Accidental Sexpert.
Available for commissions. Info via almazohene.com/contact-faqs.
Recent mailouts:
I’m someone who’s experienced crushes frequently and intensely, ever since I was about five. In this post I describe some crushes from the early 2000s, before I was yet a teen: Sirius Black and Kingsley Shacklebolt from Harry Potter; Harvey, Romeo and Asher D from So Solid Crew; rapper Eminem:
Interview with ‘W’ who’s from my sexual past. ‘W’ and I only shared a couple of experiences, but they were so connected and intense that we both speak of them in superlatives. We were initially introduced to each other in passing at a sex event in early 2020, and linked up for the first time just as Covid-19 started showing up in London:
