POSTSCRIPT: March 2024

More on ‘What The Notches Said – No. 02’

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In last weeks’ mailout, ‘#45: What The Notches Said – No. 02’, I pulled out extracts from the transcript of the conversation between ‘W’ (who’s from my sexual past) and I. I’m sharing some more from the end of our conversation, as some interesting nuggets came out as we chatted surrounding the (in)ability of people to communicate their sexual desires and boundaries.

Almaz: Any other comments that come to mind? Do share!

‘W’: Well to large extent I’ve disengaged from the kink scene and I don’t really go to those parties. I’ve come to find those spaces very performative. It wasn’t really, as far as I felt, it wasn’t really a place to, like, safely explore your kinks. It was more like a fashionable place to be seen.

Almaz: So, my general thoughts are, that as subculture, or as a group of people who are into kink and into sex, I feel like a lot of people going to these kinds of events don’t actually have the practical skills to be able to negotiate the arena effectively. I just do get the sense that people are going there who don’t know how to ask for consent, and don’t know how to hear a “no”. And this is beyond the drink and the drugs.

‘W’: Yeah, yeah, you’re right. The bar for entry is, like, low. You can’t really make sure people really, really know what they’re doing, unless they stopped serving drinks and, like, banned drugs, which they’re never gonna do.