#86: Guest Post – Considering My Crushes
Written by Ally Iseman, CRC, modern relationship expert and the founder of the global platform Passport 2 Pleasure
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[Image description: Text ‘Considering My Crushes Guest Post’ on a lilac background]
This guest post series is a space where writers in my community think about their crushes on celebs, fictional characters, or, indeed, our next-door neighbour, weaving cultural critique with personal longing. It’s a space where obsession, admiration, and projection are all welcome.
This piece is about the animated Disney film Aladdin and a EuroDisney actor who played Aladdin in the early 2000s.
‘Considering My Crushes’ by Ally Iseman, CRC relationship expert and founder of the relationship platform Passport2Pleasure. Ally also writes the Substack ‘Passport2Pleasure’
“Do you trust me?”
Eight-year-old me would be so proud right now! I thought to myself as his lips made their way down towards my ‘Cave of Wonders.’ Magic carpet ride indeed!
Those lips were attached to a whole face and that face belonged to a young Frenchman I had connected with whilst studying abroad in London by way of my alma mater in Philadelphia. My university group had gone to Paris for a week on a class project, and I made the most of it. If you’ve never had a native Parisian whisper sweet French nothings in your ear, you haven’t lived.
As if this bronzed strapping young lad whispering je ne sais quoi into my ears wasn’t enough on its own, I learned mid makeout that he was an actor. A working actor. Specifically: at EuroDisney. And even more specifically: he played Aladdin.
Rewind to eight-year-old me in 1992.
Disney’s Aladdin was lighting up movie screens worldwide and introducing young things like me to their hormones faster than you can say I’m a genie in a bottle, baby. That movie rubbed me the right way.
The title character’s scamp charm and street rat resourcefulness immediately drew my attention. But it wasn’t until I watched Aladdin set eyes on his love interest, Princess Jasmine, that I knew what that movie was really about.
Not only were her threads lit but she had a tiger. The way she stroked Raja’s luxurious fur coat made me wish I had some soft stripes of my own she could absentmindedly run her fingers through.
It made sense to feel all these things for her because that’s what Aladdin was feeling, and that’s who I had a crush on… Because he was a boy and I was a girl and that’s how things worked, right?
I spent the first 30 years of my life masquerading as a straight monogamous woman. I remember the exact moment I closeted my desires, when I shut down the part of me that turned to bubbles when I liked a girl. I perfected the art of ‘friend-zoning’ myself – befriending the girls I wanted to kiss in order to become a socially safe person for them to spend time with. It was only after coming out later in life – as bisexual and sapiosexual, and later on, polyamorous – that I realised what was really going on.
My longing for the character of Aladdin – which became fully satiated atop a futon in a tiny flat outside Paris in the winter of 2004 – had been a mask all along. Not only a mask for my desire for Jasmine and her regal pussy, but for the ‘symbiosexuality’ that had lain dormant within me.
Symbiosexuality is the attraction to the dynamic, energy, and connection between two or more people in an existing relationship, rather than to the individuals themselves.
I was drawn to the animated character Aladdin, yes. I desired Jasmine, duh. But it was the rampant joy, unquestioning acceptance, and unabashed adventure of their relationship that I wanted in on. I was drawn to their relationship dynamic. I wanted to be the halal meat in that sandwich. The shawarma in their wrap?
If I couldn’t get myself a ticket to hop on that magic carpet ride with both of them, I sure as shit was going to put on a fur coat and become her purrfect BFF!
The only way society seemed to allow my initial exploration into my own bisexuality was as a performance for the male gaze, which began – as it does for so many – a 4-hour drive away from my hometown, in college.
And so it was on that fateful evening, in a poorly lit living room outside La Ville Lumière, after a few petites morts, I expected to live out my childhood fantasy. But what was supposed to be the culmination of a childhood wet dream, instead left me wanting more.
I never forgot how it was Aladdin’s true nature that won Jasmine’s heart. If I was going to be worthy of the likes of the Princess, let alone a part of something I didn’t even know the word for yet (pro tip: it can be called a ‘throuple’ or a polycule), it was embodying her fierce independence and stubborn self-awareness that would lead me through.
The power of my own hard-won self-knowledge as an adult caused me to reflect on my childhood crush and see it for what it really was. My encounter with the IRL Aladdin unveiled the true reasons why I had originally been drawn to the Aladdin-Jasmin dynamic in the first place. I decided it was time to let my genie out of the bottle.
Cut to 20 years – and lots of mistakes – after that fateful night on le futon, and I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing all manner of what I call “expansive love.” Love as acceptance and freedom, where more is more, and the feeling becomes a noun, an adjective, and a verb – never a finite resource.
I’ve had the pleasure of choosing to be what’s known in the swinger world as a “unicorn” for both hetero-leaning and queer couples. I’ve been a part of my own multi-partner relationship, known as a polycule or triad. I’ve been one half of a couple that enjoys deep and emotionally resonant connections with others, partnered or not. And I’ve spent 10 years attending and hosting events that create safer spaces for everyone to let their own genies out to play.
A magical world where a street rat and a princess can burn the scripts they were given and build love on their own terms inspired me to question whether or not the scripts I had been given were truly serving me.
I’m now living my most authentic love life and it truly is the most magic of carpet rides. Don’t believe me? I dare you to learn more and check out my Substack… Do you trust me?
[Image description: Aladdin from the Disney animation reaches his arm out in the famous ‘Do you trust me?’ pose]
About the Author
Ally Iseman, CRC, is a modern relationship expert and the founder of the global platform Passport 2 Pleasure, your portal to building the love life of your dreams, not someone else’s. A featured expert on over 40 podcasts and in publications like The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, POPSUGAR, Grazia, AskMen, Well+Good, and more, she provides private coaching for select clients around the world, brand consulting, and online courses and resources for curious couples and individuals who want to open up without breaking up. Subscribe to her Substack where curious individuals, couples, and moresomes come to write their own Happily Ever After and follow her @allyiseman and @passport2pleasure as she continues her mission to “fuck around the world and find out.”
Website and Socials
www.passport2pleasure.com | @passport2pleasure | @allyiseman
[Image description: promotional image for Ally’s relationship platform. Text: ‘Are you ready to open up without blowing up? PASSPORT2PLEASURE.COM. Headshot of Ally, who’s wearing bright scarlet lipstick]
Previous posts in the ‘Considering My Crushes’ series:
Founder of multi-award-winning anti-racist brand consultancy, Brand by Me, Collette Philip writes about her crush 80s British television star Matthew Kelly, pop superstar Michael Jackson and the cultural ubiquity of whiteness.
Podcaster and journalist Bethany Burgoyne writes about her early 00s crushes on cute actor Jeremy Sumpter in his role as Peter Pan and a whole host of fine young women from TV and film.
Writer and civil liberties expert Gracie Mae Bradley described her late nineties and early noughties rock star crushes Tom DeLonge from rock band Blink-182 and Less Than Jake band member Chris DeMakes.
Sex Educator Ruth Ramsay wrote about her 80s and 90s crushes that were sparked by seeing leather and bondage in pop and rock music video for bands like Duran Duran, Mötley Crüe and Eurythmics.
Sensuality Educator Oli Lipski (AKA ‘The Queer Sensualist’) wrote about her crushes, which included Anthony Kiedis, Hayley Williams, Sienna Miller, Blake Lively and Ed Westwick.
Almaz remember her adolescence and young womanhood where she crushed on anything and everything that had a pulse. During this era, she kept journals and scrapbooks where she’d write lengthy lists of crushes and also cut out pics and make poster collages. Partially paywalled. To read in full, upgrade to paid.
Author Justin Myers (AKA ‘The Guyliner’) wrote about his crushes, Harry from school, Jake Gyllenhaal, Maxwell Caulfield, Jordan Knight, Will Smith and Jamie Dornan.
Author Peter Apps wrote a piece about his early crushes, Princess Jasmine, Blue Peter presenter Katy Hill, J-Lo and the character Cassie from the Animorph’s book series.
Author and multi-hyphenate and Karla Marie Sweet wrote an essay on her crushes on Aladdin, footballer Paul Ince, Spice Girl Mel C and lots of sexy actresses from film and TV.
Almaz described her early 00s crushes on Sirius Black and Kingsley Shacklebolt from Harry Potter; Harvey, Romeo and Asher D from So Solid Crew. Partially paywalled. To read in full, upgrade to paid.
Almaz went back to the mid/late 90s, to her first crushes who were Peter Pan, Damon Albarn, Billy Kennedy, Ernst Robinson and US President Bill Clinton.
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I’m Almaz Ohene, a Creative Copywriter, Freelance Journalist and Accidental Sexpert.
Visit my Work With Almaz page 😃
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Please do ‘like’ this post via the heart icon (❤️) that appears at the very top and bottom of this post, as it’s the best way to help others find my work.
If this project is something that you value, and want it to continue, readers are encouraged to upgrade to paid. With a paid subscription you’ll gain access to the content beyond the paywall and unrestricted access to the full archive of this newsletter.
Paid subscriptions are either billed monthly at £3.79 (less than a coffee ☕️) or annually at £34.99.
If you would prefer to make a one-off donation, feel free to send a contribution via PayPal.
You can also show your enjoyment without spending £££, by liking, commenting, restacking via Notes, or by just generally sharing 😃
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